|
The following conversation between a
pair of gentlemen from North Jersey was overheard last weekend in Ortley Beach,
NJ...
Salvatore from Bayonne: Yo Vinny! Did you go by Joey Harrison’s Surf Club
last night?
Vinny from Jersey City: Nah, we went ova’ to Tina’s shore house to watch
Season 6 of The Sopranos. What were you
doing there on a Friday? Don’t you usually go for Surf Club Sundaze?
Sal: Oh fuggedaboutit.
Always. But they had dis Planet Surf t’ing there on Friday night.
Vinny: You
were hangin’ out wit’ a bunch’a weirdo surfers?
Sal: Yeah,
they do dis tow-at t’ing, where they pull each udda’ behind these jet-skis and
do all kinds of crazy shit off da waves. They do it under these big fuggin’
lights. You can just sit there, drink Sambuca, an’ watch these loonies.
Vinny: Oh,
no shit?
Sal: Yeah.
They ran one in June and one in July. The top teams from each of them had da
final last night. The one in June, they had these like t’ree or four-foot
breakers. Dat skinny fugga, Randy Townsend, was going mental. There’s all these
chicks climbin’ all over da jet-ski, and the announcer, this dude Goodwin, is a
riot.
Vinny: So
who won?
Sal: You
know dat kid Sam Hammer — bartends over at da Crab’s Claw Inn in
Lavallette?
Vinny: Who?
You mean da guy dat made us all those Jagerbombs last summa’ and likes the
fuggin’ Red Sox?
Sal: Yeah.
Him and his buddy Frankie Walsh won it, and they pocketed six hundo.
Vinny: Ho!
I wish I would’a known. I would’a put a few grand on them myself. What about
his friend dat works over there... Ryan Daly?
Sal: Yeah.
Daly did dis long floata’ t’ing. He was in it with dat kid Zack Humphreys. It
was so shallow, those fin t’ings on the bottom of Zack’s board went right into da
sand and he face-planted at t’irty miles per hour. Fuggin’ hysterical! But they
gave him a 4.5 for dis big turn he did.
Vinny: Bunch
of gavones!
Sal: And
Mike Gleason from Long Branch towing with dat old fugga’ Adam Holloway –
that stugots Gleason was going for these huge alley-oops, like seven feet outta
da wuatta’! It was hotter than your Mama’s marinara.
Vinny: Ho!
What did I tell ya about dat? Stop with my mudda’, capeche?
Sal: Sorry.
My bad. He broke his board. Then he did dis gouge, looked like he was cutting
into a piece of gabagool. They gave him a 4.5.
(The conversation is interrupted by the loud sound of
bass from a passing Honda with chrome rims.)
Vinny: Did
any of those fugga’s actually land an air?
Sal: They
were trying to land in like an inch of wuatta’. Dat kid Andrew Gesler stuck dis
air-reverse for a 7.5.
Vinny: Dat
kid? Fuggedaboutit.
Sal: He was doin’ all these huge
airs. Then he stuck dat one and they gave him a 7.5. His partna’ Kevin
Richards, they call him “KR,” did a nice power snap and a little air. But they
both came in at 4.5s, and they only keep your top score.
Vinny: Get
tha’ fug outta here! Just one score?
Sal: Yeah.
Frankie Walsh, from AC, did a bunch of huge turns and these roundhouse
cutbacks. He got a 5 for one, and I was pumping my fist so hard. But Sam Hammer was doin’ all
these turns and airs. He even landed a quick alley-oop. Then he comes in
backside with all dis speed and... bada boom, bada bing! He nails dis air-reverse.
They gave him an 8 and it was ova’.
Vinny: All
right, Sal. I gotta get these canolis back to da house. See ya Sunday.
|
