RIGHTSIDE TAX RELIEF Bombing Swell Lights Up Mid-Atlantic, Northeast, And Even Great Lakes,
Providing Much-Needed
Break From Stifling Flat-Spell Taxation By
Nick McGregor
Unhappiness with government is running
rampant these days. Ever-present and steadily rising beach fees in New Jersey.
The big, bad National Park Service pissing off untold amounts of Outer Banks
locals in North Carolina. Maine considering opening three million acres of
pristine land to development. It’s enough to drive a law-abiding citizen crazy
— and in these cash-strapped times, even surfers are feeling the pinch.
See, in an unheard-of recent decision*,
politicians from both ends of the spectrum quietly instituted a flat-spell tax
after the hotly contested 2010 midterm elections brought government debt and
deficit spending into renewed focus. Little is known about this mysterious
decision jammed through East Coast state legislatures without proper debate, but
basically the rationale says that when surfers are out enjoying fun waves,
they’re not working hard enough to keep government coffers filled. And since we
all know there’s about 4.5 million freakin’ surfers crowding each of our local
breaks these days, the solution was simple: tax King Neptune heavily for each
day he graces the Rightside with waves.
Luckily, the old man in the sea is on
our side, and figured a little weekend relief the day before the April 18th tax
deadline was in order, even if he had to pay royally to allow guys in the
Garden State to get kegged off their kiesters. And to let our hardcore brethren
in the Northeast and the Great Lakes enjoy one last taste of winter. And to
give Mid-Atlantic surfers their first hit of sunshine after a long spell stuck
in the hoods and gloves. Shoot, even though Florida saw next to nothin’ last
week, ol’ Neptune even decided to throw us Sunshine State sufferers a bone,
conjuring up a swell perfectly timed for just after Tax Day.
So next time you’re stressing out over
how The Man is holding you down, man, or how government taxation is keeping you
from exercising your God-given right to free-market capitalism, or how every
politician from Scott to LePage to Walker is farming out your natural resources
to the highest bidder, just remember that a higher power is paying the cost to
be the boss — all so you can enjoy a few hours playing in the ocean every now and
then.
17th Annual Quiksilver King Of The Peak Set
To Go Down In Solid Northeast Swell Conditions On November 6th-7th By
Nick McGregor; Captions by Dick “Mez” Meseroll READ MORE…
TENS ACROSS THE BOARD Blue Skies, Thousands Of Surf Fans, Pumping Head-High Peaks, And Red-Hot Performances All Combine For Spectacular Final Day Of Quiksilver Pro New York
STORMY WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY Cory Robbed, Gabe Bounced, Bobby Suspended, Damien And CJ Out, Kelly Swept Straight Into Round Four… What A Couple Of Days In New York
