Eargasm
ASG >>WIN US OVER.
VOLCOM 2008

Kids today suck. Hear that, all you soccer dads and stage moms? Your kids suck. Overvalued, overindulged, homeschooled, fruity little suck-lets swallowing pills for ridiculous “diseases” like ADHD. Wasting valuable daylight in front of a Nintendo Wii playing Guitar Hero... instead of  growing their hair long, ditching school, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and learning how to play the real thing like they should be.

Unfortunately, we don’t have a reliable black market for getting rid of these mini-cretins. But we do have ASG. On their fourth album, Win Us Over, Wilmington, NC’s, most celebrated dirtrocker quartet exhales a somber air of maturity, while refusing to grow out of the gritty angst completely. “Coffee Depression Sunshine” and “A Number To Murder Two” are the most telltale examples of this — the latter of which slows their normally hyper-combustive pace to the steady clickity-clack of a stagecoach before the Southern-born posse of Jason Shi, Scott Key, Andy Ellis, and Jonah Citty ride up and rob that motherfucker on “Gallop Song.”    

So this is where diehard metal fans ask, “Is Win Us Over softer, or just more refined?” Does it matter? ASG are the same sick bastards they’ve always been since first taking the stage in 2001 — hard, fast, loud, great. No top button-fastening or shirt-tucking going on here. Just ringing eardrums, Sunday morning cottonmouth, and an ugly rash from a month-old neckbeard. Need further convincing? Well, if you’ve heard any Fuel TV episodes lately, the loudspeaker at your local skatepark, or any decent new surf video, you’ll see that ASG is, hands down, the most definitive voice in East Coast boarding culture today.

In fact, I can’t even scroll through one fruity teenager’s iPod without seeing ASG on their playlist. Which is weird, because as I said before, kids suck today. But there’s hope for them. If nothing else, at least they’re listening to good music. By Matt Pruett